What If
by NCCJFAN
Summary: Post Embraceable You. FINISHED. A different spin on things...what if she had taken the ring...what if she had told Woody what she was really feeling?
1. The Trouble With Diamonds

**Disclaimer: This is my response to the Embraceable You episode…an episode that left me feeling somewhat shortchanged, and quite a bit perplexed…and very ticked off. After ranting and raving and swearing at the TV for a while, I decided to seek anger management by writing my own ending to the episode. This is how _I_ would like to see it played out…if per chance, Tim and Allan are listening.**

**Either way, I don't own Crossing Jordan, but if I did, Embraceable You sure as would have ended differently. Thank goodness in our fanfiction world it can.**

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****Chapter One**

_What if I would have taken the ring? What would have happened? We would be friends…for sure. At the very least, he'd still be talking to me…_Jordan mulled this over in her mind, as she looked out over the Boston skyline from the roof of the morgue. She had gone up there to think…it was her favorite spot…she could be alone with nothing but her thoughts – which weren't too happy right now.

Woody had tried to give her a friendship ring for her birthday. A ring to be worn on her right hand. "The jeweler said they're all the rage now between male and female friends." But it wasn't a mere friendship ring set with her birthstone, a sapphire, it was a _diamond_ friendship ring.

It was beautiful. It took her breath away.

And there was no way in hell she could accept it. Any other type of ring may be fair game. But diamonds….diamonds are different. They signified a commitment yet to come…one she wasn't sure she was ready to make.

"It's too much, Woody…" she had tried to explain. And it was too much….too much money…she knew it must have cost him several paychecks…and it was too much too soon as far as they're relationship went.

"I know it's a little over the top, but I'm just so tired of this dance we've been doing for the past four years," he had replied, his eyes warily watching her, trying to gauge her response.

"I can't accept it…." she said, putting the ring back in the box and gently placing it in his hand. The hurt in his eyes nearly killed her.

"Okay, then. I guess I have my answer," he replied, slowly pocketing the ring. He turned to leave, but then spun back around on his heel. "I'm tired of chasing you, Jordan. And I won't be doing it anymore." He left, slamming the door behind him.

Which brought her to the reason she was up on the morgue roof right now…trying to sift and sort through her thoughts. When he left her office that day…after they solved the case of the pregnant nun and the baby, he didn't speak to her again. He no longer worked with her. Her personal numbers were blocked from his phones…he also blocked her e-mail.

He wasn't just not chasing her any longer, he was cutting off all contact with her. And she missed him…more than she ever thought she would. When he came to her office that last time…and he said once again that he was tired of chasing her…he didn't let her get a word in edgewise.

Jordan had listened to her heart for once. To her heart, and Nigel…and Joey, the father of nun's baby…who had said the only thing wrong he had done was fall in love with his best friend, before she became a nun. Woody was her best friend. And she knew, that despite the fact she had fought it…tried to hide it…even feared it at times, she loved the man.

But he wouldn't listen to her…he spoke his peace and left her office for the last time. And she hadn't seen or heard from him since. She knew he was hurt…every time she had looked in his eyes, she saw it…the pain. Pain she realized she had caused.

She didn't want them to end like Joey and Meg did – separated forever. He had to understand the _real_ reason why she didn't take the ring. But that wasn't likely to happen with him not even speaking to her.

Sighing and turning away from the skyline, Jordan made her way back downstairs to go to work. Work was really all she had left…and the few friends she had. Woody would have to make the next move…either let her back in his world, or shut her out completely and forever.

* * *

Nigel was taking his calls. She may still be doing some of his autopsies, but Nigel was going out in the field with him. Woody was requesting the tall Brit instead of her. The action hurt, but she understood. It would be difficult seeing each other right now. She wasn't sure she could look into his blue eyes without breaking down. So she was grateful for Nige running "interference" between the two of them. 

When Jordan had asked Nigel the hypothetical question about what to do if Woody was to offer her a diamond ring, Nigel's eyebrows had shot up into his hairline, and he replied, "I think he's trying to tell you something…and I think, hypothetically, it's time for you to step up to the plate, love." But she hadn't. Instead she flinched that time. She had still been running scared.

She still was scared…but the loss of Woody in her life made her realize that if the opportunity ever arose again in her life, she would have to swallow her fears and step up to the plate. _After all, it is Woody….and Woody would never hurt me…would he?_

Ah. That was the question. Hurt. The pain of separation. It had occurred too many times in her life. Her mother. James. Now her father was gone and she had no idea when or if he would return. Seemingly everyone that held her heart…or at least parts of it … left her alone. She had survived the abandonment so far.

She wasn't sure she could if Woody left her. Her heart was too deeply engaged. One part of her said to keep him away…don't fall in love with him. That way, if he did leave, it wouldn't hurt.

Another part of her loved him so completely she couldn't express it. And all that was remaining of that emotion was a bunch of tangled _what if_ questions…_What if I would have had the courage to take the ring…what if he would have just listened to me that last time…what if we could have worked something out…_what if, what if what if….

Jordan wasn't sure if she would ever have the answers.


	2. The Chase is Over

**Chapter Two**

After he leftthe morguethe day she had resoundingly turned down his ring, Woody had walked angrily back to his office and slammed the door. She had taken his heart and trampled on it for the last time…she had thrown his feelings for her…the deep emotions he held for this woman…in his face.

Did he not matter at all? After everything they had been through together, was he still not good enough to be something more than just a friend? Was she still so unsure of him that she hesitated on moving the relationship forward? He knew the ring was a little over the top…he had admitted it. But he wanted to shake some sort of answer out of her.

The problem was he hadn't gotten the answer he wanted. He slumped down in his office chair and covered his face.

He hadn't really expected her to accept the ring…not yet. But he had hoped to get some sort of promise from her that she would try to move the relationship forward…so that maybe, just maybe, around Valentines Day, she'd put the ring on. He was going to let her keep it…and when she felt ready, slip it on her finger. His earliest vision of the ring on her finger was Christmas. Valentines seemed like a much more reasonable time frame, since it was presently September.

And now it seemed it wasn't going to happen at all. He disgustedly threw the ring in his desk. He'd take the ring back to the jeweler's tomorrow.

But now…now was a good time to re-evaluate. He hadn't really thought about what he was going to do if she turned the ring down. He was hoping to put the ring in the context that it really represented no pressure from him…just "when you feel ready, put it on your finger…when you're ready to be a little more than my friend, but not quite my lover yet, slip it on." He wanted her to know he was ready…had been ready for a deeper relationship.

He also wanted other men to know she was no longer available. He had seen the way some of the male morgue employees looked at her. Some of his fellow detectives had looked at her the same way. Was he afraid he would lose her to one of them? Maybe. Did he think that she believed she was too good for the boy wonder from Wisconsin?

He hadn't before. He wasn't so sure now.

What was he going to do with himself since things were at an impasse between the two of them? Stay in Boston and pine after her? Stay in Boston and try to re-evaluate his life and what was important, all the while studiously avoiding her? Or completely move away…to further his career, forget her and start over professionally and personally? Find another brunette with long legs and honey-colored eyes to lose his heart to? He didn't really know. He just knew it was time for a change. He would begin immediately. He picked up his cell phone and blocked her personal numbers. Then he turned to his e-mail and blocked her there, too. Until he made a decision, he would see her on his terms.

And right now those terms meant not seeing her at all.

* * *

She caught an autopsy on one of his victims three long weeks later. Nigel had made the field call, but the procedure, for whatever reason, had fallen on her, much to Woody's chagrin. She had faxed over the reports, but Woody had questions. Reluctantly, he found his feet retracing a familiar route…one that he had taken many times before, but now one he could no longer remember without wincing in pain. He had softly knocked at her door, only to hear her equally quiet, "Come in."

"Hi," he said awkwardly…more awkwardly than he could ever remember…even from their first meeting.

"Hi," Jordan responded, still quiet. She was standing in front of her window, lost in her thoughts, toying with the locket around her neck. Her mother's locket. The one that Woody had recovered from a pawn shop after her apartment had been broken into and she was nearly raped. He didn't know about that. She guessed he probably never would now.

"Ummm… I had a few questions about the autopsy on the Murphey case. I was wondering if you had time to go over it with me?"

Jordan nodded and turned her attention to the reports, clearing up the small details and filling in the gaps for him. "The trace reports won't be ready until tomorrow…so that's probably why you have all these questions. As soon as Nigel is through with them, I'll have him fax them over to you."

Woody nodded. "Thanks," he replied, gathering up his files and getting ready to leave. It had been difficult being with her…but at least they could be civil. That was something. He turned to leave.

"Woody?" her voice called him back. She wanted to tell him now...how much she cared...in terms she knew he would understand...but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth when she saw his body stiffen.

"Yeah?" He didn't turn around. He kept his hand on her door knob and his back to her.

"Is there no way we can at least remain friends?"

He whirled to face her, his eyes cold as ice. "Friends? For four years now we've been friends…and sometimes more…but it always goes back to just being 'friends.' I wanted to be your friend…and something much more. But you've shot me down. Every time. No matter how much you professed to change…no matter how much I thought you were changing…everything stayed the same. I've wasted too much time on you, Jordan. I've waited too long. For me…for my heart…it's just too hard to be your friend."

He turned to leave then, slamming the door behind him, but could have sworn he saw a tear slide down her cheek before he left.

* * *

"Hey Nige, you got the trace finished on the Murphey case?" Jordan asked coming into his office later.

"Almost love…what's the rush?"

"Woody was here earlier…he…he needs them as soon as possible," she said, sitting down on the side of his desk.

"Ah. Woodrow. I'll have them ready in about an hour. How is your boy wonder?"

"He's not my boy wonder, Nige."

Nigel regarded Jordan carefully, leaning back in his chair. "What's wrong between you and Woody? He's been asking for me on his calls for three weeks. And while I am flattered by his sudden burst of confidence in me, I have this feeling I'm being used as a mediator."

Jordan turned her head to avoid looking her friend in the eyes. Sighing deeply, she began. "I turned down the ring. Nige. I flinched when I should have stepped up to the plate. Then when I realized I had made a mistake, he wouldn't hear me out."

Nigel sat up and leaned toward Jordan. "You mean you love him." She nodded, still not looking Nigel in the eyes. "Did you tell him?"

"I tried. After the nun case was solved, he came to my office to tie up some loose ends…with the case and with us. He said he was tired of chasing me and was stopping. He wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise and I was too hurt to even respond. He walked out and hasn't spoken to me since…until today." Her voice dropped to a whisper.

"Oh, Jordan. I am sorry. So sorry. Is there no hope…none at all?"

"None that I can see, Nige." Her voice broke and Nigel knew from past experience with Jordan she was close to breaking down. He got up from his chair and took her in his arms, placing a chaste kiss to the top of her head.

"What if I talk to him for you? Be a different kind of mediator for a change?"

Jordan shook her head. "Thanks, but no. This is between Woody and me. Know what the hard part is?"

"What love?"

"It seems all my life…the people that I love and give my heart to, just walk out on me. Mom. James. Dad….they're all gone. Now I'm ready to turn what's left of my heart over to Woody and he does the same thing. I know it's been a long, slow relationship between the two of us. And he's had the patience of a saint. It's just that I couldn't bear to think of losing him, too. I figured that if I never told him I loved him, he would always be around, for me to love secretly. Instead, I've screwed up again. He's waited too long…and I hurt him bad when I refused the ring. Nigel…what am I going to do? What should I do?"

Nigel hugged her tighter as the tears he had been anticipating coursed down her cheeks and onto his shirt. He was wavering between understanding Woody's feelings and wanting to shake the detective. Above all else, Jordan was in pain…and Nigel didn't know what to tell her to do. Woody's mind may very well be made up. He may indeed be through chasing Jordan. He may very well have washed his hands of anything to do with Jordan.

But he should have at least heard Jordan out. Woody deserved to know the extent of her true feelings. Then, if the detective was still set on giving up on his relationship with the ME, at least he would know what he was turning down….

The unconditional love of a woman who did not love nor trust easily. A woman who was now willing to make herself vulnerable to being hurt in the worse possible way….by having her heart broken by the man she loved.


	3. A Near Death Experience

**Chapter Three**

**Disclaimer 2: I have no knowledge of the finale except that Woody gets shot and begins to re-evaluate his life and Jordan has to revive him. This is how I see it played out, but again, I have no special foreknowledge at this time.**

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* * *

**They expected casualties. The police weren't sure how many, but Jordan and Nigel had been called in to go with the Boston PD to the scene of the sniper…a sniper that had a penchant for picking off cops. 

Nigel glanced over at Jordan, who was hunkered down with him behind a police car, waiting…she was biting her lip and only had eyes for Woody. He was in charge of this taking down the sniper. Nigel knew the detective had focused solely on this case for days…Nigel had been making the field calls as one by one the bodies of Boston's finest made their way into the morgue. Jordan had done more than her fair share of autopsies on them.

And Nigel had watched his friend fall apart little by little. She had never said what was on her mind, but he figured that it was a mixture of thoughts about her father, an ex-cop that had disappeared from her life, and Woody. Each time shehad possession ofa body bag, he had heard her hold her breath until she unzipped it and discovered it _wasn't_ the detective. "This is my worst nightmare, Nige," she had said. "That I could open one of these things and he could be inside. I don't think I could handle it….I don't think I could go on." She had slid her mask off and slumped against the wall. "I mean, it's bad enough that he doesn't want to even talk to me now…but to know that something could happen to him before I could try to make things right between us…that he could possible _die_ without knowing how I really felt…" her voice had trailed off and she shut her eyes.

"He hasn't talked to you at all?" Nigel asked gently.

"No…at least nothing outside morgue business."

Nigel sighed and hugged her. "He'll come around, love. You know he will. He loves you… you love him….it's meant to be. As Lily would say, it's karma…the stars…the planets…."

Jordan gave him a wan smile. "I don't know, Nige. The man seems to have made up his mind about me. He's finished chasing a relationship that he believes would never go anywhere and one that I now want more than anything."

Nigel knew all these thoughts were probably running through Jordan's head in rapid-fire fast motion right now. But it should be over soon. Nigel heard Woody give the command to get ready.

Then a shot rang out from the sniper. Close and near deadly. He heard Woody go "Ooomph," and saw him slump to the ground.

And all hell broke loose in Boston.

Another policeman gave the order to fire. Between bullets and shouting, Nigel could see Jordan fighting off the police who were trying to keep her behind the car...tshe was trying desperatelyto get to Woody.

* * *

It was playing out in slow motion to Jordan. She heard him groan and saw him hit the pavement. At first, she thought it was just the impact of the bullet against the Kevlar vest. Even though the vest is bullet proof, the projectile can pack a wallop and knock even the most seasoned police officer to his knees. 

Then she saw the blood. _Shit…the sniper's got armor-piercing ammunition, _she thought as she struggled to get to him….and nearly panicked.

It's amazing how the mind works. Here was the man she loved, laying there, bleeding. She couldn't get a pulse. In med school, the doctors had always taught the residentsthat if anything like this happened to one oftheir loved ones while they were with them, their training would kick in and they would be able tohandle the situation.

She had never believed it until now. She deftly cut the vest from his body and began CPR, compressing his chest and beginning mouth-to-mouth without waiting for a face shield, keeping it up until she felt a pulse. It was faint…weak….it fluttered and then steadied out. By the time the paramedics arrived and Nigel tugged her away, he was unconscious but breathing on his own.

Then reality sat in for her. Woody had quit breathing. He had nearly left her for good…never to return. When Nigel had lifted her away from Woody so that the detective could be loaded into the ambulance and taken to Boston General, she slumped in her friend's arms…suddenly her legs wouldn't work at all. She held on to Nigel as the paramedics administered oxygen and finished stabilizing him.

"How's he doing?" she finally asked, from the security of Nigel's arms.

"He's holding his own. He's going to be fine…thanks to you. You saved his life."

Jordan shut her eyes and leaned into Nigel, thanking God for the first miracle in her life in a long time.

* * *

He never remembered the ride to the hospital. He didn't remember much for several days. When he finally came to for a little while, all he could feel was the edge of drugged-numbed pain…a faint, light-headed state of being that made him wonder if his brain was still functioning normally. "What happened?" he asked a nurse. 

"You were shot…in the line of duty, Detective Hoyt." The pretty, blonde nurse smiled at him.

"Where at?"

"What do you remember?"

Woody closed his eyes and then opened them wide…trying to focus. Shifting around in the hospital bed and moaning a little at the effort, he said, "I remember going to work…and finding out where the sniper was…taking my officers and going there…" He shut his eyes again…trying to remember…trying to see in his mind how the take down had played out, his forehead wrinkling at the effort. "Nothing else," he finally said, blowing out a sigh with the words.

The nurse, a middle-aged woman named Susan, picked up where his memories were fuzzy. "You gave the order to fire," she said softly, "but the sniper beat you to it. He took a shot at you…and he had armor piercing bullets. You took one to the abdomen."

"Then why is my chest so sore?"

Susan smiled gently at him. "The person that reached you first…after you were shot…had to give you CPR."

"CPR?"

"Yes. You weren't breathing."

The shock of the revelation began to sting its way through Woody's system as Susan continued to take his vitals and administer drugs through his IV hook ups.

"Who was it?" he asked suddenly.

"Who was who?"

"The person that did the CPR…do you know?"

"I don't know her name, but she has long, brown hair and beautiful, brown eyes. Slender. She's been here every evening waiting for you to wake up. She asked me to call her when you did. I better go do that now. You must be very special to her." Susan made to leave Woody's room.

"Susan? Please don't….don't call her."

"Why?"

He had to think fast. "I want to surprise her when she comes here tonight….so….please…don't call her or let her know that I've regained consciousness."

Susan nodded. "Sure. I'm sure she'll be very surprised. She's stayed with you nearly all night every night since you came in…never taking a break. Holding your hand…talking to you…praying for you…I bet she's said enough rosaries to send a dozen people to heaven."

Woody nodded and swallowed hard. Jordan had saved his life. Kept vigil at the hospital. And had prayed for him.

What was that supposed to mean?


	4. Confessions and Plans

**Chapter Four**

He was still unconscious. Jordan quietly slipped into his room to find his eyes remained shut. She stood by his bedside, not making a sound, but rejoicing at the resonance of his steady breathing. She had just talked to Woody's attending physician. The doctor said it was going to take time…months of time….before he would be back to normal. But he was going to be fine. She breathed another prayer of thanksgiving as she gently sat down on the side of his bed and took his hand in one of hers while the other hand tenderly pushed his hair off his forehead.

She had never run her fingers through his hair before he got shot. It had seemed too personal…too intimate. For her, anyway. Woody had brushed her hair off her shoulders several times…letting his fingers run through its length, curling a strand around his finger. She had never protested….because she had secretly loved the feeling…the sense of affection. His hair…although she had teased him about the way it could stick out in a million different directions, was thick, but baby-soft. A texture that had surprised her. She absent-mindedly wondered if his skin would feel just as soft. She wished she could find out. Finally, clearing her throat, she began to speak to him…a ritual she had begun the first night the nurses had let her stay. He may not be able to hear her, but it sure made her feel better…just talking to him.

"Hey, Woody. It's me, Jordan. I know you probably don't want to hear from me again, but I had to come in and check on you…see how things were going. Make sure they were treating you right. I worry about you, you know? I always will." She cleared her throat again. Seeing him lying there…always made her throat close up with tears, knowing how close she came to losing him.

"The reason I came by tonight…well, it was to see you, but I needed to tell you that I'm going on doubles tomorrow for the next several days…Sydney's taking a few days off and I told him I would cover for him…I promised him over a month ago…so I won't be able to come by the rest of the week. I will call and check on you. I promise." Her hand dropped from his hair, and her head lowered.

"I….I….guess that's really for the best, you know? I realize that if you came to while I was here, or learned that I had been around, you'd probably be even more pissed at me than you were before the shooting. I wish…I wish that evening when you came by my office…the last time you really talked to me, remember? That you would have stayed long enough to listen to what I had to say. When I saw you there, lying on the pavement…not breathing…all I could think about was what if something happened to you before I could ever tell you how I really felt? So…I'm going to tell you now." She laughed softly before continuing, tears once again threatening to steal her voice. "I know you can't hear me…but maybe this is more for me than for you, you know?"

She swiped at the tears on her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. "I wish I would have taken that ring, Woody. When you came back to my office that night, that was what I was going to tell you, if you would have let me get a word in edgewise. I had changed my mind. I was ready to risk it…risk it all with you…set aside my fears of getting my heart broken again…of the one person I cared for more than anything leaving me, too…It didn't matter. All that mattered to me was that you knew I was finally ready to move this relationship forward.

"Only to find out you had given up. On the relationship…on us … on me. I can't say that I really blame you…hell, after all, it's been four years…You've been so patient…anyway…I can't expect you to feel the same way I do now…too little too late, huh? But I am glad you're getting better…and I'm so glad you're alive…and…and…I need to go now." She glanced around the room. Even though Woody was in a private room, what she had to say to him was too personal to speak it out loud. Leaning in close to his face, she whispered in his ear, "And I love you, Woody. I always will." She softly kissed him on the lips. "And I'm so glad the CPR worked." She brushed his lips with hers once more. Then carefully getting up, she quietly and quickly exited his room, shutting his door softly behind her.

Woody's blue eyes popped open and he smiled. She loved him. He had heard every word she had said…he had feigned unconsciousness to see what she would do. He never expected her declaration of love. He certainly didn't expect her kisses...it was all he could do to keep from responding to them. He turned in his bed as far as he could to see if he saw his cell phone anywhere…the nightstand, the table…It was nowhere. It must be with his personal things they took off of him when they admitted him to the hospital. Damn. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he tried to calm down and think…think about what he needed to do next. A plan…he needed a plan. He finally had her…and her heart. Now he just needed to make sure he kept both of them…that she wouldn't wiggle out of what she said. She didn't know that he heard her…her confession…her fears…finally tasted her lips one more time. And she certainly didn't know he was about to launch an attack that would insure her fears were laid to rest and her heart would remain his.

He needed to re-evaluate everything right now…his life…his tact with her….make some changes. And he would need a willing accomplice…someone that was close to her and that he could work with without Jordan getting suspicious. A delicious grin spread across his face. Nigel. Nigel would be perfect. He reached over to the nightstand and picked up the hospital phone. Dialing nine to gain an outside line, he then entered the Brit's cell phone number from memory. A plan was beginning to form in his head….and Jordan would never know what hit her until it was too late and he had her forever.


	5. Springing the Plan

**Chapter Five**

"You know this is not going to be easy, right Woodrow?" Nigel asked, somewhat earnestly of the detective. At Woody's request, he had stopped by the next day during his lunch hour from the morgue.

"I realize that. But I'm playing for keeps this time, Nige and she is, too. I've got to make her realize that falling in love with me is safe…I won't hurt her."

"Yeah…but what you're planning….it may backfire on you at some point. And Jordan won't take kindly to being tricked…"

Woody sighed. "I realize that…but you have to remember, she doesn't know that I heard what she said…she wants the ring and she loves me. And I love her. Now that we've come this far, I don't want her to have any room to try to wiggle out of her feelings because she gets cold feet. Four years is a long time…I don't want to waste anymore of it just being 'friends' with Jordan. I'm beginning to feel like Ross and Rachel from that sitcom."

Nigel nodded and grinned. "Okay. I'll help. Just tell me what I need to do first."

* * *

"Oh, you're awake…" Jordan said, entering Woody's hospital room, stopping just inside the door. The nurses hadn't called her and let her know like she had asked them to do…otherwise she wouldn't have come. She didn't want him upset. Especially with her.

"Yeah. I had to wake up sometime," he countered in a cold voice. She caught the tone.

"Ah. Well. I just…just dropped by to see how you were doing….since you're conscious again, how…how are you feeling?"

"As well as can be expected with a bullet hole in your side."

"It will heal…but you're going to have to be patient and give it time."

"You of all people should know I'm a patient man."

Jordan swallowed hard. Suddenly the room was getting more uncomfortable by the minute. Then he spoke again. "I want you to know that I've been doing some serious thinking."

She felt a chill run down her spine. "Really…what about?"

"Myself, mainly. Nothing like a near-death experience to make you do that."

She nodded. She knew all too well….her mind flashing back to her bout of sleeping pills and Scotch during her residency as a heart surgeon. Something else about her he didn't know.

"I've been doing some re-evaluating…shifting my priorities, so to speak. I'm going to be off from work for a while…paid leave while I'm recovering…but I'm not sure I'll go back to police work."

Jordan had to sit down before she fell down. Not return to the Boston PD? "But…but Woody…being a cop is more than what you do….it's what you are…" she stammered.

"Well, maybe it's time to change that."

"Oh."

"And I'm thinking about returning to Wisconsin."

Wi…Wi… Wisconsin? Why?" There was nothing left for him there…no family. And he had never spoken about any lingering friends there. Cal didn't even live in Wisconsin anymore.

"In the back of my mind, it's always been home. And there's nothing left for me in Boston any longer…"

Ouch. Jordan felt her insides pucker in pain. If he went back there, he'd never know how she felt…and she may never get him back to Boston once he had landed in Cheesehead land again. Thinking quickly, she said, "Just…give yourself time, Woody. Think it through. Once some of these decisions are made, you won't be able to change them again."

"I know. But that's what I feel I need right now…change. Something different. Somewhere different. Somebody different. I'm taking an eight week sabbatical from police work to recover and think things through. Then I think I'm either going to start calling the police departments in Wisconsin or maybe put a call into Sunny D."

If she didn't leave now, she was going to break down in front of him for sure. Wisconsin was bad. California was even worse… further away and beautiful women in bikinis. Rapidly, she blinked back the tears from her eyes. Glancing at her watch, she said, "Would you look at the time? I…I…need to go. I'm pulling doubles this week…covering for Sydney…he's on vacation." She stood and closed the small space between herself and the bed, reaching out to take Woody's hand.

He pulled it away. _He doesn't even want me touching him now in any way_, she thought sadly, turning to go.

"Jordan?" His voice made her turn around one more time.

"Yes?"

"While I'm on sabbatical…I don't want to see or hear from anyone from work or the morgue. These are big decisions I'm making…and I don't need to be influenced in anyway. These have to be my own answers to all the questions I'm asking."

"But….but….what about your injuries? Won't you need someone to help you?"

"I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone. And I really don't need you trying to play Florence Nightingale out of guilt, either."

She swallowed hard and turned to go again. "Sure…no problem here. You won't hear a word from me….just ….just let me know what you decide?" She turned again to face him briefly.

He nodded.

She left then, closing the door behind her. It was truly over between them. Whatever small, flickering hope she had of him regaining consciousness and them having a heart-to-heart talk was dashed on the hard rocks of reality.

* * *

It had nearly killed him to see the hurt in her eyes after he had abruptly dismissed her. But it was part of his plan….his carefully crafted plan to get Jordan to realize that she had to not only step up to the plate about this relationship, she had to remain front and center. He was tired of playing around.

He had only told her part of the truth….he was taking an eight-week leave of absence from the police department. He had to. It was going to take him that long to heal. But he wasn't going to be by himself. Nigel had agreed to help him while he recovered, as well as keep an eye on Jordan for him.

And he wasn't leaving Boston. Nothing in heaven or hell could make him leave Massachusetts now that she had whispered to him that she loved him. Nothing.

However, he was re-evaluating his career as a policeman. After he realized that the life he had longed for with Jordan Marie Cavanaugh was almost at his fingertips, he had wondered what would really happen to her if he got seriously injured on the job…what would happen if he got killed? What would take place if children were somewhere in that equation? He wasn't sure his career was worth all the worry.

He wanted her to know that he would always be there for her…but first, she had to face how strong her own feelings were for him. And thinking she may lose him forever would hopefully push those feelings to the front and make her face them….tell him this time exactly how she felt…while she knew he was awake, conscious…and deeply in love with her.


	6. Being Left Alone

**Chapter Six**

Nigel had told Woody that Jordan wasn't sleeping well…at least that was his observation. The detective had kept in close contact with Nigel after he had been dismissed from the hospital and gone home to finish recovering. "She looks tired…all the time. Even when she's not working all the blasted doubles or overtime she can talk Macy into giving her. I don't know how much she is sleeping or eating. It looks as if she's lost weight, too."

Now three weeks after his injury, he had finally gotten permission to drive again. He slowly made his way back to the precinct…just to see the guys and listen to what was going on. Then he carefully made his way to the morgue. He knew what he had told Jordan…but he couldn't stay away from her. He had honestly planned on being "out of sight" for eight weeks…to let her see what life without him would be like. But who was he kidding? He needed to be near her more than he needed to eat. Maybe more than he needed to breathe.

"Woody," Nigel greeted the detective when he got off the main elevators at the morgue. "What a surprise….how does it feel to be out again?"

"Like being sprung from prison. The first week wasn't so bad. I really didn't feel like going anywhere. Then, afterwards, as I got better…the walls started closing in." Woody glanced around. "Where's she at?"

"Jordan? On a field call. She should be back in a few minutes. Does she know you're here?"

"No. I haven't heard from her…not since I was in the hospital. I just came by to see how she was doing…if she was any better than you said you thought she was."

Nigel sighed. She really wasn't. But Woody would see for himself soon.

And sure enough, it wasn't but a matter of minutes before she got off the elevator to make her way to the locker room and change into her scrubs so she could start the autopsy on the victim she picked up. "There she is, Woodrow…" Nigel said, nudging him towards the door. "Go see her before she goes into autopsy one. If you wait until she's done…it could be hours."

Woody nodded and made his way to the door of the exam room, stopping her before she entered. "Woody…" she said in surprise.

He was the last person she had expected to see and the person she had worried most about. Was he eating right? How was his wound? Was he taking proper care of himself? But she had made no effort to contact him…remembering what he had told her in the hospital… "_While I'm on sabbatical…I don't want to see or hear from anyone from work or the morgue. These are big decisions I'm making…and I don't need to be influenced in anyway. These have to be my own answers to all the questions I'm asking." _She had honored that request. "How…how are you doing?" she managed to stammer.

"Better…still a little weak, but I just got the okay to drive…I was getting a little stir crazy sitting there in my apartment."

She smiled briefly at him. "I can understand. It's enough to wear on anyone's patience. You look good." He did. His color was better…and he seemed more like his normal self.

"Thanks…How… how are you?"

"Never better. Look gotta run….Garret will have my butt if I'm not through with this vic by quitting time." She made a dash through the doors of the autopsy room, leaving him standing by himself.

"See what I mean?" Nigel asked coming up behind him.

And Woody did…he saw with his own eyes what Nigel had been telling him….the dark circles under her eyes told him she was working too hard and not getting enough rest…she had lost weight. He could tell that even through the loose-fitting scrubs.

Woody sighed. He needed to regain his health as quickly as possible and get back to work…and finish this thing between them.

* * *

She really had no idea what was going on in his life any longer. Other than his one surprise trip to the morgue, she hadn't seen him for two months. She was sure he was coming back to the Boston PD…at least for now, because she had heard nothing about him resigning from the force. But she had no clear idea when he was returning to work. She had asked no questions…still trying to accept the fact that it was over between them and it was better for her not to muddy the waters of their failed relationship at all. So she had stoically continued with her work.

Nigel had warned her she needed to slow down…she was working too much….pushing herself too hard…but work was all she had right now…it was her solace…her companion…her lover.

Jordan was using it to fill the void that losing Woody had left in her life.

She thought that by confessing her love to him…even though he was unconscious and heard nothing, she would feel better. She would have gotten it off her chest…cleared the air…made a clean slate of it.

Instead, she ached for him with a greater intensity than she had known before. But he wanted to be left alone. She could understand that, given their history. But someone neglected to explain that to her heart.

And it was her heart that took a beating the day he came back to work.

She caught his first homicide call back on duty. But she didn't know it was his until she got to the scene. She was looking around for the lead detective when a pair of familiar broad shoulders caught her eye. Gamely she walked over and tapped one of them from behind. Woody turned around to find himself caught in her gaze. "I guess this means you haven't completely given up police work, yet?" she asked.

"No…not yet. I haven't quite made up my mind…but for right now it's what I'm doing. It's like you said….being a cop for me not just what I do…it's who I am."

She nodded and turned attention to the victim. A stocky man in his mid-twenties. Shot twice at close range. A Mr. Lee Stewart.

She didn't ask Woody if he was going to continue to be a policeman in Boston. She wasn't sure she could deal with that answer if it was no. She cleared her throat. "Okay, time of death…is about eight hours ago. Cause of death…looks like the bullet wounds. I'll know more when I get him into autopsy." She stood up and looked Woody in the eye. "It'll be a while…any special reason I need to hurry?"

Woody looked uncomfortable. "Sort of….this is Councilman Stewart's son."

Jordan's face fell. So much for easing him into work…having time to maybe talk. "Well," she said so softly that Woody almost didn't hear, "they sure sent you out on a hell of a tough case on your first day back."

Woody nodded. In someway it felt like he had never left. "How soon can I get some preliminary reports?"

"I can go back to the morgue and rush the prelims…and have the basic facts to you in a couple of hours. I don't know how backed up Nige is with ballistics or trace…I'll let you know."

Woody nodded as he made to help her load the body.

"Nope…don't you dare… you're still recovering. I can handle it."

"No…Jordan….I can help…"

But it was too late. She loaded the body and left, with a backward glance or a good-bye.

She had taken the meaning be being left alone to a whole new level.


	7. The Road to Hell

**Chapter Seven**

The path to hell is paved with good intentions.

And Jordan found that to be true….the hard way.

She finished the preliminary reports on Lee Stewart…checked the ballistics with Nige and scheduled trace on the body to begin first thing the next morning. It was too late in the afternoon to begin any kind of procedures…although scrapings from under the fingernails had been taken and few other basic tests had been run. Results were still pending.

Gathering the reports, Jordan did what she had promised Woody she would do…take them to him at the precinct – her good intentions. Completely innocent and just what she said she would do. She changed from her scrubs back into her jeans and shirt and walked over from the morgue to his office.

That's when hell got a little closer than she ever dreamed. She rode the elevator up to his floor, stepped out, turned the corner, and entered his office…to find Woody sitting in his office chair with Santana sitting in his lap.

She felt as if someone had sucked all the air out of her lungs. Quickly regrouping mentally, she laid the reports down on Woody's desk. "Ummmm… here are the preliminary reports you asked for on the Stewart case…including the ballistics. I asked Nigel to push them this afternoon and he did. If you have any questions, you know where to find me. Sorry if I interrupted anything…" she turned to go.

_Oh shit,_ Woody thought. Santana dropped by his office when she saw the light on…she didn't know that Woody was coming back to work that day…she was surprised and delighted when she saw him…but not the way Jordan thought. Santana was like the kid sister Woody never had…she had breezed into his office, plopped down on his lap, and had hugged him…and made him promise never, ever to chase snipers again. Then proceeded to tell him about the trouble she was having with her boyfriend….that was when Jordan walked in….and by the fleeting, crumpled look on her face, he knew Jordan had taken things the wrong way … "Jordan…wait…stop…come back," he called, standing up so abruptly that Santana nearly tumbled out of his lap.

"Want me to go talk to her?" the young female detective asked. Santana was more than aware of Woody's feelings for Jordan. He had discussed Jordan with her as much as Santana had turned to Woody for advice about the no-good man in her life.

Woody sighed and sat back down. "No…that's okay….things are kind of on stand still with us right now, anyway."

"Then what she thought she saw may keep it there, man. Let me go speak to her and explain."

"She wouldn't believe you or me right now, but thanks anyway. The best thing I can do is let her calm down a little and then try to talk things over with her."

"I'm sorry, man. If I would have known she was on her way over…."

"I know…it's okay." Woody ran his fingers through his hair. He had made a huge, colossal mess of things….and he had no idea how to straighten it out. His neat little plan to force Jordan to realize what her life would be life without him was backfiring horribly. It now looked like he was facing an interminable amount of time without her.

* * *

Jordan never remembered how she made it back over to the morgue. Her whole system went on automatic pilot until the cold February air hit her as she left the precinct. Then she fought tears the rest of the way back to her office. She was going to go home…go home and have a good cry and then get up tomorrow and face her life again.

A life without him. Well, after all the times she had requested that they just remain friends…now she was getting what she asked for. She had no claim on him. If a dozen, young, beautiful female detectives wanted to sit on his lap, she had no right to protest.

Woody was not hers. And didn't want to be.

It was a good thing he didn't hear her that night at the hospital she had whispered in his ear that she loved him. It was a good thing he didn't feel her light kisses. He would have had a good laugh at her expense.

And it was a really good thing he didn't know who gave him CPR. And she had requested that he not be told. She arrived at her office, gathered her coat and pocketbook and strode towards the elevators.

"Where you heading, love?" Nigel called out from his office. He had seen her face when she re-entered the morgue.

Not turning to face him, but staring at the elevator doors in front of her, she replied. "Home…I'm tired."

Nigel did believe she was tired, but also didn't think that was all there was to it. She'd tell him….in her own time.

"Good. Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jordan nodded as the elevator doors opened. She got inside and punched the lobby button. Home…a hot shower…and bed. But who was she kidding…she knew she wouldn't sleep again tonight.

Every time she closed her eyes, a pair of blue eyes haunted her dreams….and she would just get to the point where she would begin to sleep deeply when the same dream would wake her up…They were in her apartment…in her bedroom. He was clad only in his pajama bottoms….holding her….skimming kisses down her neck, along her collarbone… then her shoulder, pushing the tiny straps of her nightgown down on her arms…

And then he would abruptly push her away….and leave her apartment.

She would wake up crying then….missing him…aching for his touch…

Much like she was right now.

* * *

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

Woody was learning that the hard way, in a very personal manner. She had talked to him…on a professional level only. They were still working on the Stewart case together.

The one time he tried to talk to her on a personal level… about what she thought she saw in his office, she'd shut him down. "Hey…it's none of my business, Wood. You said you were tired of chasing me and weren't going to do it any more. So if you're chasing other women…good for you. Especially if they stand still and let you catch them. I have no claim on you… So don't worry about me…it's over…truly over between us and it's time we both move on."

He was ready to move on, but not in the way she was thinking. He wanted to move on to the next level of their relationship….he just had to get her preconceived theory that they were through out of her head.

So he gave her two weeks. Two weeks of only speaking to her about the Stewart case. Two weeks of being strictly professional with her while fighting the desire to hold her and kiss her. He figured that was probably enough time to get her to calm down and consider his next request.

So on a Thursday night…a night he knew she was pulling doubles … he made quick trip to the florist and got four long-stemmed red roses…one for every year he had waited on her, and walked over to the morgue. "Is she here?" he asked Nigel, who was getting ready to go home.

"Yeah, she's in her office," Nigel replied, eyeing the flowers. "Good luck, mate."

Woody nodded and made the long, slow walk to her room at the end of the hall. The door was closed and she didn't answer his soft knock. Gingerly, he tried the knob and felt door give. Letting himself into her office, he found her sound asleep on the couch, exhausted from her long hours, with her hair spread out around her like a dark halo…her lashes fanning out over the circles under her eyes. She was resting and resting well. He wasn't going to be the one to wake her up. Laying the roses on the desk, he scribbled a note on a piece of paper and then put the flowers on top of the message. Brushing her hair back gently, he dropped a quick kiss on her forehead and left, shutting the door behind him.

Now if she'd only say yes….


	8. Nigelized

**Chapter Eight**

Numbly Jordan got up from the couch. She had only wanted to lie down for a few minutes, instead her weary body had demanded that she finally stop and rest for a few hours instead. And maybe because she was in the morgue and not her bedroom, that the dream didn't interrupt her sleep.

Instead, she could have sworn she felt him kiss her forehead…and she could still smell his cologne. She mentally shook herself, thinking that her lack of sleep…exhaustion…was allowing her mind to play bitter tricks on her. She stretched and walked out into the hallway, looking at the list of the bodies of the morgue that needed to be autopsied. She located the one at the top of the list and began to work…finally finishing hours later.

"Go home, Jordan," a voice called from down the hall. Jordan turned to find Nigel coming into work.

"I plan on it," she replied with a smile. "I was just waiting on you to come in and relieve me. I have the weekend off…and I think I'll sleep in."

Nigel gently hugged her. "And I can't think of anyone who deserves it more, love. Get me caught up to where you are and then head to your apartment." He led the way to her office.

"Okay, there's Steven Causey…died on the T. The city of Boston is requesting an autopsy…Virginia Taylor, passed away in a nursing home. Her insurance company wants an autopsy…." Jordan droned on.

Nigel only half-listened, his attention caught by the red flowers lying on her desk…while Jordan concentrated on the clipboard in her hands. "Jordan…what's that?" he finally said, pointing to the roses.

"What?"

"Those…who are they from?"

Jordan brushed passed Nigel and picked up the flowers, bringing them to her nose. Roses were her favorite flower…despite how old-fashioned and traditional that sounded, they were. "I have no idea…."she said her voice trailing off as she caught sight of the note with Woody's handwriting on it. "Oh," she exclaimed… "They're from Woody…"

"Woodrow?"

"Yeah." She read the note and Nigel noticed her eyebrows rose. "He wants me to have dinner with him tonight."

"Dinner…with Woody? Are you going?"

"I don't know….I don't know why he even asked me. He's moved on…the only reason I can think that he wants to see me is guilt." Jordan went on to tell Nigel what she saw in Woody's office two weeks earlier. Nigel knew already, of course. Woody had confided in him on Thursday when he was bringing the roses to Jordan.

"So….are you going?" Nigel asked her once again.

"I don't know what good it will do….I mean a part of me wants to…to see him…be with him one more time…but another part of me doesn't want to have my heart broken again….I want him to see I can go on without him…but I don't know if I can deal with being with him for one evening as his friend and then leaving, knowing that's all he wants to be now. I just….just don't know, Nige." She leaned against her desk with a helpless look.

"What's you're heart telling you this time, Jordan? Your heart…not your head…and not any fears you may have," Nigel asked, gently placing his hands on her arms.

She looked up into her friend's eyes and replied, her voice faltering just a little. "Accept the invitation."

"Then call him right now," Nigel said, handing her the phone receiver, "and tell him to expect you about eight. It's going to take us all day to find a dress, shoes, jewelry…."

"Us? Shoes? Dress?" She looked bewildered as she began to dial Woody's cell phone.

"You don't think I'm going to let you go in jeans to this? No. You will be 'Nigelized" for this event….a picture of elegance, sexiness, and femininity…a thing of beauty and a joy forever." He headed to Garret's office to let the chief ME in on what was happening and get the morning off. "And underwear. You'll need some new things."

Jordan was still looking at him with a confused expression when Woody said hello on the other end of the line, jolting her back to reality.

* * *

He was amazed she accepted.

When she had called him…hours after he had dropped off the roses and the note at the morgue…hours that he had spent wondering if she was going accept or decline….he felt his heart begin to lighten just a little. "Eight…eight o'clock is perfect, Jordan," he had told her. "I'll see you then…go home now and get some rest…you were pretty out of it when I came by your office on Thursday…you look tired. Please…go take a nap or something…and I'll see you tonight."

He hurriedly made a shopping list and decided to go to the grocery store during lunch. When he took the items back to his apartment, he could begin to clean up a little before she got there. He wanted things to be as perfect as possible…he wanted her to feel relaxed…warm…loved…safe.

He wanted things between them to go back the way it was. Back the way it was before he gave her that ring….when she felt secure enough to hold his hand…let him put his arm around her. Back before he had tried to push her too hard too fast. If he could just somehow regain that feeling with her…then maybe they could build something from there…a friendship…maybe something deeper.

He hoped they could patch things up….that she would believe him about Santana and the fact that there was nothing between them. He hoped that she could feel free enough to once again whisper in his ear that she loved him…this time while he was conscious…

And if she cried tears this time, he wanted them to be tears of joy…not regret…

He wanted to start over with her tonight…rebuild the relationship…shore up the friendship…Begin again… this time on Jordan's terms – he didn't want to lose her again.

Woody still had not taken the ring back to the jewelers. It was in his nightstand. He had kept it, hoping that one day…maybe…she would accept it, him, and their friendship.

And admit to him that she loved him.

* * *

Jordan nervously ran her hands down the front of her dress, looking at herself one more time in the mirror before she drove over to Woody's apartment. Nigel had done a great job. He took her shopping at some quaint, out-of-the way stores she never knew existed. "No mall-generated, off-the-rack tripe for tonight," he had told her. "You need something that wraps femininity, sexiness, sophistication, and vulnerability all in one."

Jordan had nearly laughed in his face. She had never been a clothes horse, choosing comfort and versatility over anything else…hence jeans and shirts were generally her wardrobe de rigor, unless she was testifying in court.

Nigel had changed that tonight. She nearly didn't recognize the woman staring back at her in the mirror. She smiled at her reflection. She liked theoutfit and how it looked on her.

She hoped Woody would, too.

Hell, who was she kidding? She hoped he would have a hard time keeping his hands off of her.


	9. It Looks Better Over Here

**Chapter Nine**

She stood before his apartment door, pulling all her courage together to knock. She knew once that door opened and she went inside, their relationship would change one way or the other…for the better or for the worse. It was past the point of standing still.

She knew how she felt. That hadn't changed. Like Joey, she was in love with her friend. Her best friend. And tonight….either he would remain her best friend and she could also count him as her lover.

Or she would leave and he would be neither.

She swallowed hard and made herself knock. A few seconds later, he answered.

And nearly forgot to let her in when he registered just what he was looking at.

Jordan was beautiful. He had always thought so. Even with her hair pulled back in a messy bun and her scrubs riding low on her hips, she was the most gorgeous woman he thought he had ever seen. Anywhere. Anytime.

But tonight….dear Jesus. It was a short, halter dress. A casual, black, denim halter dress with a short jacket. Nothing like he had ever seen her wear before. And she had pulled her hair up on top of her head…just a pile of chestnut curls, with wisps softly framing her face. He guessed he looked a little too long. She cleared her throat and asked, "Can…can I come in? Or have you changed your mind about dinner?" She nearly sounded like a timid child.

"What? Oh…sorry….yes…come in, Jordan. Can I take your jacket?"

"Thanks," she said shrugging out of it and handing it over. That was his first mistake. Taking her jacket. Now all he could concentrate on was the curve of her neck and her bare shoulders. He shook himself mentally.

"Would you like a glass of wine?"

"Sounds good."

"I'll get it. It's in the kitchen. You can drink it while I finish dinner." She followed him into his small kitchen area and propped up against the counter while he tried to finish the salad. She and her outfit were proving distracting. He was having a difficult time concentrating on the task at hand when his hands just wanted to reach up into those curls on top of her head and….

"Something's burning," she said, bringing him out of his salacious wonderland.

"Oh, damn. The bread." He pulled the baking sheet out of the oven, eyeing the charcoal slabs with regret. "Sorry…"

"It's okay, Woody. I'm sort of doing the Atkins thing anyway."

"The last thing you need to do is worry about your weight."

She chuckled. "I just don't want my ass to get as big as a city bus."

Woody tried to casually glance at the ass in question. "I don't think that will happen."

He managed to get the chicken and pasta together while she finished the salad and set the table. Then pouring himself a glass of wine they sat down to eat. Or rather he ate and watched her mainly push her food around her plate, only taking an occasional bite. She was nervous and he knew it. So he did what he had to. He plied her with wine. Not enough to get her tipsy, or even light-headed, but enough to help her relax. When they were done, she got up and made to do the dishes. "Leave them," he said, his voice just a bit husky. "They can wait until tomorrow. Let's go into the living room and talk."

"It won't take but a minute to stack them in the dishwasher," she protested. She was still a little nervous. He picked up his glass and hers and steered her toward the couch.

Things couldn't go on as they were. They both knew that. But confronting that issue…how do you feel…how do I feel…do we feel the same way….was difficult when you weren't sure what the other was feeling. And Woody wasn't exactly sure how Jordan felt. She had honored his request to leave him alone while he was recuperating. As a matter of fact, he had to seek her out. And since the debacle with Santana, Woody had hardly seen her at all…but the look on her face when she saw them in his office haunted him. It had been quick and fleeting, but full of pain. And she had repeatedly told him she knew it was over between them – echoing his words to her on her birthday.

Ah. That's when it started. That's where he needed to begin tonight. Nothing like diving right in. They both knew what was coming anyway. "Jordan….about this….between us. We can't go on like this."

"I know…that's why…"

"And I know it's my fault," he said, cutting her off. "I shouldn't have tried to give you that ring. Even though it was a friendship ring, I shouldn't have … maybe if it wasn't a diamond ring…it would have gone over better. Maybe it signified more than friendship to you…maybe it meant a commitment you weren't ready to give yet…"

"Woody…"

He cut her off again. "But that's all it was, I swear." He was silent a minute. "No it wasn't. I'm sorry, I lied. To me it meant more. I knew I was ready to move our relationship along…pick up the pace. I had to do something to jump start it…I should have chose something with a lower voltage. But to be honest, I didn't expect you to wear it. Accept it, yes. Wear it, no."

Jordan was confused. He was making no sense to her at all. "What? Take it and not wear it?"

"Jordan. I've seen the way other guys look at you. And it bothers me. I guess….I guess I just needed some assurance that I was important to you. _We _were important to you."

She took a deep breath. She had never thought of that…Woody being bothered by other men. She wasn't a flirt. "Oh…but Woody, I've never…I mean the whole time we've been trying to work through this relationship thing…over a year now…I've never…"

He gently pushed a stray curl behind her ear. "I know," he said softly. "I do know. I just didn't want any of them thinking you were available."

"But if I didn't wear the ring…"

"I wanted you to take the ring…and when _you_ felt comfortable with it….slip it on. When you were ready to acknowledge publicly that you were something a little more than a friend…but not quite my lover yet …. Only then did I want you to wear it."

"Instead I over reacted and didn't give you time to explain…"

"And then I cut you off and ran all over you later. What were you going to tell me anyway?"

Jordan swallowed hard. "I was going to ask you if you would have a problem if I changed my mind…could I wear the ring? I had judged and over reacted badly…you just surprised me."

"So you wanted the ring."

She nodded.

"I have been such a fool."

Jordan ran a finger lightly down his cheek. "You just thought you knew me too well. I had said that 'friends' line so many times to you that you just assumed that was what I was going to say and you beat me to the punch."

"But here we are now…."

She nodded. "I know…."

"So…."

"I need to tell you something, too. You've said what you wanted to say. It's my turn."

"Okay…."

Taking a quick sip of wine and a deep breath, she began. "I was hurt when you left my office that night without listening to me. I didn't know what to do. You had made yourself clear and I knew you were really trying to believe that if we ever did hookup, we'd end up killing each other in a week. We both know that's not true. We knew it them. We know it now. I know it now.

"But when you were shot…and nearly didn't come back to me…you have no idea what that did to me, Woody. None. The person that I care about most left me…even if was only for a short while. You'll never know how happy I was to hear a heartbeat again…see you come back to the morgue and the Boston PD. Even if you didn't want to see me again…it was so good to see you. I knew I cared about you…more than you knew…but I didn't realize how deeply my feelings for you ran until then. I'm not sure you do now."

They were sitting on the couch facing each other. Jordan had one of her arms along the back of the couch and the other in her lap…one leg curled under her and the other hanging off the couch. Her shoes had come off sometime ago when they were cooking dinner.

Woody nearly mirrored her….one arm along the back of the couch, casually resting against hers…he moved in a little closer at her last comment.

"I know you cared enough to do CPR on me…that it was you that saved my life…and it was you that sat up with me during the nights while I was unconscious," he said, softly stroking her arm with his thumb.

Jordan looked at him with wide eyes. He wasn't supposed to know that….ever. "Who….who told you?"

"The nurses."

"I didn't want you to know," she said somewhat sheepishly. "I figured it might make you mad after what you told me."

"Nah. You saved my life. How mad could I get?"

"Oh…"

"I do have another confession to make, Jordan."

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"That night you came into my room… the night before you began two work doubles for Sydney…I was awake…I just didn't open my eyes."

Jordan was completely quiet and still for a moment, the meaning behind his words slowly beginning to sink into her reality. She felt her cheeks begin to flush just a little. Dropping her head so they no longer had eye contact, she said, "So then you know… you know that I love you."

Gently he cupped her face and raised her eyes to his. "Yeah. I know…"

"I guess that's probably not a wise thing right now, with us just beginning to get this relationship back on track…." She was silenced by his finger on her lips.

"It's okay…because I love you, too."

Once again she got quiet and her eyes got big as the reality of what he just said began to dawn on her. "Oh," she breathed out as she felt him begin to plant soft, little kisses at the corners of her mouth and then work his way over to her lips, kissing her deeply and fully. She responded by opening her mouth to his questing tongue and kissing him back with a passion that could only be described as hungry. When the kiss finally broke, she leaned on his shoulder and felt his arms go around her. They sat there for long moments, just holding each other, until Woody pulled back and took the ring from his pocket. "Do you still want to wear it?"

Jordan nodded, feeling the tears come to her eyes. "Yes, please.." Woody slipped it on the ring finger of her right hand. "So I'm your friend right now…but not quite your lover?"

"That's what the lady at the jewelry store said…"

"So, what happens when it…the relationship…changes again…and I am ready to be your lover?"

Woody swallowed hard and loosened his tie. The room suddenly felt warmer and smaller. "You move the ring from your right hand to the ring finger of your left hand."

Deftly, she slipped the ring from her right hand to the left, holding it up for him to inspect. "I think it looks better over here, don't you?"

"Oh, definitely…."


	10. When?

**Chapter Ten**

They sat there on his couch, staring at each other, each one mentally weighing the words that had just been said to each other …

What Jordan had just done.

She moved the ring…and moved the relationship along by several steps that Woody wasn't expecting. At least, not tonight. He stared at the diamond cluster, now winking at him from her left hand. "Are you sure?" he asked, still looking at the ring and not her.

She caught him by the chin and drew his eyes back up to hers. "I am…what about you?"

Woody swallowed hard. "If….if….this happens….you do realize there's no turning back?"

She nodded and began feather light kisses along his jaw line.

"And…and…you realize that this is just not about sex?"

"Ummmhummm," she whispered, her lips working their way up to his ear, softly kissing that spot just beneath his lobe that made him forget nearly everything he was saying.

"I can't think when you do that, Jordan," he whispered, still desperately trying to keep some control of the situation. "And I think that … we still need to talk some things over…"

"What?" she asked, lightly touching her lips to his. "I love you…I told you that. And if you really heard what I said at the hospital, you know I'm ready….been ready…"

He pulled her hands from his face and held them in his larger ones. "Are you sure, Jordan? Absolutely, positively sure….this is what you want? There's no pressure from me here at all. If you want to wait a while…I understand."

"Do you? Want to wait, that is?"

How was he supposed to tell her he had wanted her from the minute he saw her at that bank robbery four years ago. No… the best thing to do is let her be in charge…or let her _think_ she was in control. "Tonight…I want what you want. You're the boss," he said, watching the lights in her brown eyes glow from brown to a honey-color with mischief.

"So …. I'm the boss, hmmmmm." A small smile flickered across her face. She knew this was his way of easing her into a new level of their relationship…letting her be at comfortable and set the pace.

Then, the thought flickered through her head ….did he have any idea how much she wanted him? Obviously not or Farm Boy there wouldn't be looking so smug. "Okay," she replied, pulling her hands from his. They landed on his chest and lightly traveled upwards to his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. She kissed him chastely for a few seconds, until she realized he was serious about letting her set the pace…the boundaries for tonight. Tentatively she traced his lips with her tongue and felt him respond by opening his mouth. She kissed him fully then …. In a way he knew she meant business. She was rewarded with a groan coming from his throat.

Jordan smiled to herself as her hands slowly loosened his tie and slid it from his neck…and then slowly…one by one….unfastened the buttons on his shirt…letting her fingers linger just for a second longer than necessary on his skin between buttons. She felt him shiver. Finally, she pushed the sides of the shirt open and allowed her hands to trace the contours of his chest.

She was rewarded with another groan. "Am I still in charge?" she teased, knowing a thin layer of sweat was already evident on his forehead.

"For the moment, Cavanaugh," he answered, his voice huskier than normal, his hands clutching the couch pillows in an effort to control his reactions….in an effort to stop from taking her on his small living room couch.

"Good." She kissed her way down his chest and then back up, moving to plant more kisses along his neck, unconsciously scooting closer to him, nearly on his lap now.

Woody had taken all he could handle. And with the way she was sitting, the short, black, halter dress was riding higher on her thighs. "Jordan…" he said, pulling her face away from him, holding it one of his hands. "It's over."

"Over?" She looked at him uncertainly.

"Yeah. Your turn's over. Now I'm the boss." His hand grazed from her face down her side, then under the hem of her dress and slid up her bare thigh, her eyes widening at the intimate contact. "You're still sure?" he asked, his lips against hers. He only felt her nodding agreement before he kissed her this time….this one full of the emotions he had kept at bay for four years.

Jordan was just barely aware of his other hand softly skimming the underside of her breast with his thumb. This time she heard herself moan against his lips. "Woody…" she said on a sharp intake of breath.

"Hmmmm?" was his mumbled reply.

"Take me to bed?"

"Thought you'd never ask." He picked her up then, making his way to the bedroom, closing the door behind them, and letting her slide to her feet, next to the bed. He shrugged out of his shirt, only to catch her beginning to untie the back of her dress. "No…let me," he said turning her around, his fingers working on the tie. When it was undone, he turned her back to face him and slowly slid the top of her dress to her waist.

She was beautiful. His mouth went dry just looking at her. And when she reached for him again, the world stopped spinning. Then when he felt her fingers beginning to work on his belt, he knew it was all but over…he pushed her dress the rest of the way down and tugged her to the bed.

She lay beneath him, looking up into his blue eyes…that now were darker than the blue of the ocean. He ran a hand through her curls, loosing them from the clips that held them up, then running his fingers through the length of her hair. Then slowly he lowered his lips to hers one more time…once more before he made her his…and all the _what if_ questions they both had were answered.

Those really didn't matter now. What was important was the ring was on her left hand and Woody planned to make sure it stayed there. And when Jordan finally sighed in surrender, he knew ultimately his plan had worked…maybe not exactly like he thought it would, but it had worked. He had her now. She had him.

And in the future, the questions weren't going to begin with _what if_, but _when_…_When_ can I see you again? _When_ did you first realize you loved me?

_When _can we trade the friendship ring in for something a little more…serious?


End file.
